I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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