The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
