when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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