Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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