had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize