you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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