@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize