When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
