Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
