...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
