watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
