you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
