I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
