Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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