Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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