Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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