I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
