Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
