I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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