mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize