defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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