Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
