Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
P.S. I can't hear my feet
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
