Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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