So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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