The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
