sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
