I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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