i permit you to call me
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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