I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
