my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
