He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
