Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
