I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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