i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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