Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
