somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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