If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
