So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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