Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
