I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
