I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
