Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
