i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
