If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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