I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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