I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
