It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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