Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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