is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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