dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
