Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
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It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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