We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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