They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Holy shit dude........stairs
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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