I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
