One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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