What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
