Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
